mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved through raw beauty and magic of yoga
I : I am so sad.
Me : Well of course you are. What you wanted isn’t going to happen.
I : Yeah… =/
Me : You have the time to mourn about it. You have the right to be sad.
I : But it’s tiring to be sad.
Myself : Because you use the same amount of energy to feel the flip side. The only difference is, one feels lighter.
I : I like to feel light.
Myself : Then don’t be sad.
Me : How can she not be sad?! It’s like not getting what you asked for at Christmas!
I : It feels more than that though.
Myself : It is more than that. Don’t deny how it feels.
Me : You are totally not helping here! You’re adding more sadness!
Myself : Because she is denying its intensity.
I : I am not!
Me : She is not.
Myself : Then why do you hover at its sadness? Why stay in this limbo? Let yourself feel everything that comes with it. Then let it go.
Me : Wouldn’t that make her plummet down?
Myself : It could… but isn’t it more tiring floating aimlessly than diving in the deep and swim back up? Don’t you want to feel that rush? Wouldn’t you rather feel where you are heading, either down or up, instead of feeling whatever, staying where you are?
Me : Me missed a step somewhere there…
I : I didn’t miss a step. I was stuck in that step with this sadness.
Myself : *big smile*
I : I need my yoga practice.
Myself : Then go practice.
Me : Oh, so you can take your mind off it.
I : No… it is the only way I can release it and let it go.
After many, many, many hours.
My Reflection : How are you feeling?
I : I practiced and taught today…
(pausing to reflect)
I : I am able to come back… Within. *big smile*
The moral of the dialogue?
Does yoga keep your sanity?
But it certainly centres all that I am. And it’s a beautiful maddening place to be.